This is the 11th post in my Things of my heart series and it comes from my week 38 email to my daughter.
...Gradually, I’m feeling more confident at my new job. It’s been fairly intimidating and I’ve swung many times between feeling confident in my ability to grow into my role here and feeling some imposter syndrome. It’s crazy that this can still happen, even when I’m 45 years old. But, the transition from ___ to ___ and now to ___ has been a serious test for me. But, I feel like this will be a good place for me to stay long term. I’m confident I can learn the things I need to know and ultimately settle into a comfortable place in my life with a healthy balance between work and family/personal life.
...I’m so grateful to be able to work from home. And, I don’t think this is going to be a stressful job, at least not in the long run. I feel that, with a sufficient level of expertise and familiarity with what I’m working on, I’ll be able to get into a rhythm that’s comfortable. After 20-25 years of stressing over school, career, and sometimes crazy interests and aspirations, now I just want to be like the animals and plants in nature:
“…Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls? And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you…” (Luke 12:22-28)
Plants and animals follow the rhythms of nature. They just go about their daily routine, not worrying about the future. Each day is sufficient for whatever needs to be accomplished. I keep thinking that I’m behind, that there are things I should have already known before I got this job. But, I need to trust that each day is sufficient for me to acquire and accomplish what I need. I just want to follow the rhythms and routines of the day, trusting that God will provide what we need to get our work done and to take care of our family and just enjoy our time together. I just want to get into my regular exercise routine…, work routine, and family routine…. Also, working from home, mom and I can periodically go on walks and even get something to eat occasionally.
Adam and Eve were put into the garden and basically just told to take care of it. Everything was in balance, harmony, and peace. Then, the balance was broken and we inherited a world where much of nature and humanity was out of harmony with God. The entire challenge of this life consists of regaining that harmony, balance, and peace. We’re trying to be reconciled to God and with the rest of humanity. We’re trying to regain Zion or the original, natural fruit that existed in the beginning (Jacob 5). This is all I want. Even in my work, I just see it as an opportunity to be of service, to collaborate with others, and to be invested in something where we’re helping each other toward a common goal. The same goes in our families, churches, and communities.
...it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ...that ye must build your foundation... 