Our broken heart

Something I wrote to my daughter:

I just watched your transfer video and read back through your email. I also kind of skimmed through the Fourth Missionary. …I liked it. I definitely feel like I was the fourth missionary and still am, at least in my heart. But, the most challenging thing for me over 27 years has been the gulf I see between what I feel like I am and what I wish I could be. That’s why I say that, in my heart, I’ve always been the fourth missionary.

And I’m generalizing it from “missionary” to “disciple”. I think the principles apply more generally. And I think the most important thing about this document is that it should be something by which to judge our own hearts, not the hearts of others. I’m definitely not saying that’s what you’re doing, but I’ve found it’s fairly automatic for me to read something like this and think, oh, first missionary, like so-and-so. Or, second missionary, that kind of sounds like so-and-so. I’m not sure why that’s such an automatic thing for me. It’s not out of judgment. It’s just an automatic impulse to look for concrete examples.

But, sometimes I think it’s the first and second missionaries that tend to be misunderstood and even written off. As for the third missionary, I think I might agree that out of 100 people, 70 of them might fall in this category. And it’s a wearisome form of discipleship. I would think that almost all members of the church, at some point in their life, fall into this category. And if we persist in it without reaching higher or reaching for more, most of us will grow weary in our hearts and decide that the church, or even religion in general, is not for us. At some point, we have to want more. And the only “something more” that I believe will sustain us through to the end is a personal relationship with God. It’s easy for all our busyness in the church – with callings, ministering visits, service, family history, and other programs – to become a distraction from or replacement for seeking a personal relationship with God – something that makes us think that we’re firmly on the right track.

Coming back to my experience as a fourth missionary, at least in my heart. It’s one thing to desire it. It’s another thing to be it. And honestly, I don’t think the Lord is looking for us to be it. Unless I’m a complete anomaly, this just isn’t something that we obtain over the course of a few years. It’s a great tree that I want to become, but I’m only a sapling. And no amount of effort is going to transform me from a sapling into a great tree over a year or two. That transformation, at least for me, only happens over decades. And the frustration I’ve experienced each time I’ve renewed my desire to be the fourth missionary – from 1995 to 1997 as a missionary, from 2005 to 2008 as a graduate student, from 2012 to 2017 as I was going through yet another wave of desire – has almost broken me.

But now, I realize that weakness is a super power. It’s the preeminent super power that God has given us (Ether 12): “…if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” This makes it easier for me to walk the path of discipleship back to God. Weakness, that gap between what we are and what we would like to be, is what keeps us continually in a place of utter dependence on God.

The path of discipleship, the path to our promised land, the path to becoming a covenant people, passes invariably through a complete and utter reliance on the Lord, and a perfect recognition that it is only through him that we were able to make it. This is the hallmark of a redeemed soul. Here are two examples:

“…the Lord had not hitherto suffered that we should make much fire, as we journeyed in the wilderness; for he said: I will make thy food become sweet, that ye cook it not; And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led. Yea, and the Lord said also that: After ye have arrived in the promised land, ye shall know that I, the Lord, am God; and that I, the Lord, did deliver you from destruction; yea, that I did bring you out of the land of Jerusalem.” (1 Nephi 17)

“And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire. For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth. And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?” (Ether 2)

I think this is the pattern throughout all the scriptures. Another example is the children of Israel who were preserved in the wilderness by manna from heaven and water from a rock. And when we’ve come through the wilderness or the great deep, after God has prepared the way before us and brought us through, and delivered us from destruction, when we have seen the hand of God in delivering us and cannot deny that it was only him who delivered us – finally then, we can stand and bear witness of the Lord and his redeeming power.

This is what Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah recognized when they went to preach. They had not really done much of anything to merit the Lord’s deliverance. They had merely cast their eyes upon the brazen serpent that was raised in the wilderness. They had placed the blood of the lamb over the doorway and the angel of destruction had passed over them. They had reached out and touched the hem of the Lord’s robe. Or in Alma’s own words: “…as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold.” (Alma 36)

The same pattern is seen in Lamoni: “And it came to pass that after he had said all these things, and expounded them to the king, that the king believed all his words. And he began to cry unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, have mercy; according to thy abundant mercy which thou hast had upon the people of Nephi, have upon me, and my people. And now, when he had said this, he fell unto the earth…” (Alma 18)

The same pattern is seen in Lamoni’s father: “And it came to pass that when Aaron had said these words, the king did bow down before the Lord, upon his knees; yea, even he did prostrate himself upon the earth, and cried mightily, saying: O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day. And now when the king had said these words, he was struck as if he were dead.” (Alma 22)

The same pattern is seen in the people of King Benjamin: “And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men. And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.” (Mosiah 4)

We cry out in the anguish of our soul for deliverance. God does the rest. All he wants is our heart. I’m not sure any of these people were transformed overnight. I don’t think it was a done deal once they were converted to the Lord. In all likelihood, I think they were still the same weak people they were before these experiences. What did transform was their desire. As the people of king Benjamin said: “And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” (Mosiah 5)

When Alma taught the poor Zoramites, he said: “…even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32) The growth process or transformation he then described was a gradual one, likened to the growth of a tree.

I think it’s good that you’re so diligent about writing in journals. It will be so valuable, and likely in ways that you never foresaw. In fact, I think it’s almost guaranteed that you can’t see right now all the ways that this will be of great value to you for many years to come. I’ve been reviewing my innumerable journal entries and reflections from the past 20 years. On many things, I’m completely baffled trying to understand what I was going through. I’ve had such a mingling of amazing, light-filled experiences during the same periods as crushing, heart-wrenching experiences. On other things, though, I do feel like I’m finally in a place to see clearly what the Lord was taking me through. Here’s something I just wrote in my journal this week in relation to my graduate school experience:

“During this time in particular, I had a massive conflict of interest in that I was trying to wrangle something out of the Lord that could become my PhD dissertation. I was so obsessed and preoccupied with my dissertation. And for good reason. I had spent so long in school. I had dragged ___ and my family for so long through endless school and endless changes of direction. I was buried in the most severe conflict of interest at this time.

“In retrospect, it’s obvious to me that I needed to get out of that environment. Even after I wrapped up a MS thesis in March 2009, during the two and a half subsequent years that I worked in the ___ lab, I was still holding onto crazy ideas for somehow getting a PhD. It’s truly crazy in retrospect. But, I was truly heart-broken. I loved my experience as a graduate student. I loved exploring ideas about living systems. I was so obsessed. I had to be broken. My heart needed to be broken. I needed to have this taken away from me. How else could I have become sufficiently broken to be ready to do something for the Lord. We can’t start any great work with or for the Lord until we’re broken. Until the conflict in our heart between God and Caesar has been broken and scattered in the wind. I was left so broken.”

Well, on a lighter note, I have a couple of things I wrote about you that I wanted to share. In fact, what follows is the bulk of what I was originally going to share with you in this email. Everything above kind of came unexpectedly after I read back through your email and saw this “fourth missionary” thing you had mentioned.

October 15, 2006: “___ was trying to close her 3-ring binder and I told her that it might be easier to use the middle ring to close it. She tried and after failing to do it, she said that it was too hard and that she would try one of the side rings. When she successfully closed it she said ‘see daddy, it was easier.’ I told her ‘wow, you’re smarter than me.’ She said ‘yeah, do you know why?’ I said ‘because you go to kindergarten?’ Then, she got a big grin on her face and nodded her head. Then, she said ‘daddy, why do you go to a big school and you don’t know that?’ I laughed and said ‘I don’t know.’“

From a talk I gave in sacrament meeting on April 16, 2006: “…I want to end by sharing a personal experience I have had recently with my daughter ___. Within the last few months, ___ and I bought a little xylophone that has eight keys that can be played like a little piano. ___ has become very interested in learning as many songs on it as she can. She has come to me over and over wanting to be taught and I have done my best to teach her. The Lord told us: ‘Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.’ (Rev. 3:20) ___ wanted to be taught and she took the first step by coming to ask me for help. Then, she gave her hand to me and without forcing, but softly guiding, I began to teach her. Sometimes, she would begin to try and do it on her own and inevitably she began to hit wrong notes. She became impatient and wanted to speed things up. Holding her hand gently, I urged but I did not compel or force, much the same way that the Savior prompts, encourages, and urges us.

“Sometimes I had to let go, because she wanted to do it on her own. And then, when she realized that she could not do it on her own, she paused as if asking me silently for help. I kept reminding her to relax her hand a little so that I could show her the way. Then, there would come those moments when she submitted herself to my guiding hand and when she did, then there began to emerge that familiar melody, that sweet sound. Then, she began to see what I wanted to show her.“

Anyway, that’s probably plenty for one email, right? I guess I just want you to know how much the gospel means to me. I truly believe these things. I believe that God is there knocking and that he will come in as soon as we open the door. He will not hesitate. I know you’ve had these sorts of experiences. I’m grateful that you’re on a mission right now.

Greatest conundrum

Something said by M. Russell Ballard in a talk given in March 1996 and later published in the Ensign provides the basis for perhaps the greatest conundrum of the present-day LDS church. He said:

Keep your eyes riveted on the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. We will not lead you astray. We cannot. Let me tell you why. Every week that I am in town, I attend a meeting of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve on the fourth floor of the Salt Lake Temple. If you could see the process by which decision and direction comes from that meeting, you would have a deep sense of confidence and comfort that the will of the Lord is being taught by the leaders of the Church.

So keep your eyes riveted on the leadership of the Church. While individuals may falter, the body of general Church leadership will remain steadfast and true. If someone tells you that they have received revelation that the First Presidency and the Twelve have not received, run away from them.

“When Shall These Things Be?”, Ensign, Dec. 1996

Before I go into why I see this as a great conundrum, I want to emphasize that I believe the Book of Mormon is a genuine, true record and statement of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe that Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus Christ and that the work he did was the will of God. I also want to emphasize something that is particularly relevant to the discussion that follows: (1) I do not believe that plural marriage and polygamy as practiced by Brigham Young and the leaders of the LDS church from Joseph Smith’s death in 1844 until 1904 when the church was forced to cease the practice under penalty of law is a true principle and (2) I do not believe that it was taught by Joseph Smith. Accounts of his having practiced it are largely taken from a period in the LDS church, from 1852 to the end of that century, when there was political and other expediency to bolster the legitimacy of the practice by asserting its origins in the founding prophet of the church.

Let me also state, up front, my unequivocal counter argument to Elder Ballard’s statement. It comes from 2 Nephi 32 in the Book of Mormon, where it describes what should happen after someone is baptized and receives the holy ghost. In Mandalorian parlance, I say it now: “this is the way“. Note, I’ve bolded some things of particular importance and made one insertion in square brackets.

…my beloved brethren, I suppose that ye ponder somewhat in your hearts concerning that which ye should do after ye have entered in by the way [by baptism and receipt of the holy ghost]. But, behold, why do ye ponder these things in your hearts? Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels? And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark. For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do. Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.

2 Nephi 32:1-6, Book of Mormon

Nowhere in this pattern for being guided in the light of truth is there a man involved. I know of no portion of the Book of Mormon or teachings of Joseph Smith (but certainly some to the contrary) that would suggest we place our trust in man or prophet as an inerrant, completely reliable source of truth. Prophets taught repentance, baptism, and the receipt of the holy ghost as our guide, our sure path to Jesus Christ, who will (if we heed the holy ghost that “[shows] unto you all things what ye should do”) “manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And… the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.” This is the path to being redeemed in the flesh, or in other words, being brought into the presence of Jesus Christ. This is the way.

For all of the good intentions that I know Elder Ballard had when he made this statement, it is perilous in the underlying message it sends. It says, to me, do not trust in the holy ghost, which will “show unto you all things what ye should do.” It says: We the church leaders, collectively, are a 100% reliable source of information. If you rivet yourself to what we say, we can ensure that you are never led astray. Thus, we all can walk in safety and peace knowing that: “All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well.” (2 Nephi 28:21)

Now to the conundrum. Has this system for not being led astray only been practiced by the LDS church during the last 120 years? Because, otherwise, what is to be said concerning the things that Brigham Young taught during his tenure as church president from 1847 to 1877, which have been renounced and condemned by the present-day LDS church? Plural marriage was taught, during this time and for some time thereafter, as a celestial law – one that would enable you to reach the highest level of glory in heaven and one that was central to the religion.

In 1998, President Hinckley said – concerning the practice of polygamy in contemporary Utah – in an interview with Larry King (starting at 13:26): “...people mistakenly assume that this church has something to do with that. It has nothing whatever to do with it. It has had nothing to do with it for a very long time. It’s outside the realm of our responsibility. These people are not members. Any man or woman who becomes involved in it is excommunicated from the church.”

The case could still be made that the LDS church believes polygamy was, at one time, an acceptable practice and has simply been discontinued as a result of revelation. In the interview with Larry King, as much as it seemed President Hinckley wanted to distance the current LDS church from groups still practicing polygamy in Utah, he never stated that its original practice from the time of Joseph Smith’s death to the public renunciation of it in 1890 was an error in the eyes of God. Starting at 11:40, he says: “When our people came west they permitted it on a restricted scale. The figures that I have are between two percent and five percent of our people were involved in it. It was a very limited practice; carefully safeguarded. In 1890, that practice was discontinued. The president of the church, the man who occupied the position which I occupy today, went before the people, said he had prayed about it, worked on it, and had received from the Lord a revelation that the time to stop, to discontinue it, was then. That’s 118 years ago. It’s behind us.”

But, a practice that President Hinckley says was “permitted…on a limited scale” seems a far cry from what Brigham Young claimed it to be on Aug. 19, 1866:

…I wish here to say to the Elders of Israel, and to all the members of this Church and kingdom, that it is in the hearts of many of them to wish that the doctrine of polygamy was not taught and practiced by us. It may be hard for many, and especially for the ladies, yet it is no harder for them than it is for the gentlemen. It is the word of the Lord, and I wish to say to you, and all the world, that if you desire with all your hearts to obtain the blessings which Abraham obtained, you will be polygamists at least in your faith, or you will come short of enjoying the salvation and the glory which Abraham has obtained. This is as true as that God lives.

You who wish that there were no such thing in existence, if you have in your hearts to say: ‘We will pass along in the Church without obeying or submitting to it in our faith or believing this order, because, for aught that we know, this community may be broken up yet, and we may have lucrative offices offered to us; we will not, therefore, be polygamists lest we should fail in obtaining some earthly honor, character, and office, etc.‘ The man that has that in his heart, and will continue to persist in pursuing that policy, will come short of dwelling in the presence of the Father and the Son, in celestial glory. The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy. Others attain unto a glory and may even be permitted to come into the presence of the Father and the Son; but they cannot reign as kings in glory, because they had blessings offered unto them, and they refused to accept them.

Journal of Discourses, Vol. 11, p. 266-272

It may be possible to devise an explanation for how Elder Ballard, President Hinckley, and Brigham Young could all be right and all would still be well in Zion. But, it becomes exceedingly more difficult the more you study the things that Brigham Young taught, particularly during the Reformation of 1856-1857. According to an article from the LDS church on the reformation:

For approximately seven months from September 1856 to April 1857, Brigham Young and other Church leaders preached throughout Utah Territory to generate greater religious commitment among Latter-day Saints…. Latter-day Saints often expressed frustration at perceived shortcomings in living the restored gospel. …they experienced many early setbacks and natural disasters, particularly crop failures, wildfires, grasshopper plagues, and a winter famine. Brigham Young viewed these challenges as divine reproofs, and at the October 1855 general conference he urged the Saints to repent ‘that [they] may be chastened no more.’ The following spring, he called for sermons to blast ‘peals of thunder‘ and motivate mass repentance. In September 1856 Brigham informed several Apostles of plans to ‘make a great wake‘ throughout the territory. Within days, Jedediah M. Grant, counselor in the First Presidency, launched the effort at a conference north of Salt Lake City. Immediately following Grant’s preaching, 500 Saints were rebaptized to signify their renewed devotion.

Similar sermons were given throughout the settlements. In some areas, ‘home missionaries’ visited homes in each ward with a list of questions designed to prompt introspection and obedience to high standards…. Home missionaries also urged men to marry additional wives to show greater commitment to the faith. The urgent rhetoric and religious zeal sparked increased church attendance and tithing offerings. Five months into the reformation, Brigham Young signaled God’s acceptance of the people’s repentance. When home missionaries completed their tours in April 1857, most Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake City had been rebaptized.

Unintended consequences transpired after the period of the reformation. At times, Brigham Young, Jedediah Grant, and other leaders had warned against dissenters and apostates. Drawing on biblical passages, particularly in the Old Testament, these leaders had also taught that some sins were so evil that forgiveness could only come from the sinner’s blood being shed. Reports of intensified rhetoric and rumors of ‘Mormon defiance’ toward the federal government reached the president of the United States, who took military action to quell supposed insurrection. The threat of armed conflict heightened tensions between different groups, and in some areas of Utah Territory terrible violence broke out. This period, known as the Utah War, ended after government officials arranged a truce with Brigham Young and other territorial leaders.

The idea that “some sins were so evil that forgiveness could only come from the sinner’s blood being shed” is one that the present-day LDS church has officially denounced. According to a Deseret News article from June 2010, the church had this to say concerning “blood atonement”, as this idea has been called:

In the mid-19th century, when rhetorical, emotional oratory was common, some church members and leaders used strong language that included notions of people making restitution for their sins by giving up their own lives.

However, so-called “blood atonement,” by which individuals would be required to shed their own blood to pay for their sins, is not a doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe in and teach the infinite and all-encompassing atonement of Jesus Christ, which makes forgiveness of sin and salvation possible for all people.

Deseret News, June 18, 2010

I wholeheartedly agree with this official statement of the church. But, Brigham Young taught this idea in November, 1856:

I do know that there are sins committed, of such a nature that if the people did understand the doctrine of salvation, they would tremble because of their situation. And furthermore, I know that there are transgressors, who, if they knew themselves, and the only condition upon which they can obtain forgiveness, would beg of their brethren to shed their blood, that the smoke thereof might ascend to God as an offering to appease the wrath that is kindled against them, and that the law might have its course. I will say further; I have had men come to me and offer their lives to atone for their sins.

It is true that the blood of the Son of God was shed for sins through the fall and those committed by men, yet men can commit sins which it can never remit. As it was in ancient days, so it is in our day; and though the principles are taught publicly from this stand, still the people do not understand them; yet the law is precisely the same. There are sins that can be atoned for by an offering upon an altar, as in ancient days; and there are sins that the blood of a lamb, of a calf, or of turtle doves, cannot remit, but they must be atoned for by the blood of the man. That is the reason why men talk to you as they do from this stand; they understand the doctrine and throw out a few words about it. You have been taught that doctrine, but you do not understand it.

Journal of Discourses, Vol. 4, p. 51-57

This was not a one-time mention of the idea of blood atonement. Earlier, in March of the same year, Brigham Young said the following:

A few of the men and women who go into the house of the Lord, and receive their endowments, and in the most sacred manner make covenants before the Almighty, go and violate those covenants. Do I have compassion on them? Yes, I do have mercy on them, for there is something in their organization which they do not understand; and there are but few in this congregation who do understand it.

You say, ‘That man ought to die for transgressing the law of God.‘ Let me suppose a case. Suppose you found your brother in bed with your wife, and put a javelin through both of them, you would be justified, and they would atone for their sins, and be received into the kingdom of God. I would at once do so in such a case; and under such circumstances, I have no wife whom I love so well that I would not put a javelin through her heart, and I would do it with clean hands. But you who trifle with your covenants, be careful lest in judging you will be judged. Every man and woman has got to have clean hands and a pure heart, to execute judgment, else they had better let the matter alone….

There is not a man or woman, who violates the covenants made with their God, that will not be required to pay the debt. The blood of Christ will never wipe that out, your own blood must atone for it; and the judgments of the Almighty will come, sooner or later, and every man and woman will have to atone for breaking their covenants.

Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 243-249

If (1) the present-day leadership of the LDS church is the inerrant source of truth, the one that we can rely on completely to avoid being led astray, and (2) they have abandoned or renounced ideas or practices that Brigham Young taught, what does that allow us to conclude about Brigham Young and the other leadership of the church of the 19th century? Can we safely say that Brigham Young and other leadership erred and led generations of the church astray? Does the inerrancy of LDS leadership only apply after a certain point in the history of the church? Where is the cutoff? Did it come in 1890, when the church publicly renounced the practice of polygamy? Did it come after the Smoot hearings of 1904-1907 when the U.S. government managed to stamp out the secret continuance of the practice?

I am reminded of the following from Joseph Smith, concerning his search for truth at the age of 14:

In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, I often said to myself: What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

Joseph Smith History 1:10-12

There has only ever been one source of inerrant, reliable truth, and that’s God. That’s why true prophets – those who have actually traversed the veil and had Jesus Christ visit them while in the flesh – will never point people to themselves. They will never urge anyone to keep their eyes riveted on them. They will preach repentance, baptism, receipt of the holy ghost, and enduring to the end in the path, hand firmly on the rod of iron – which is the holy ghost, showing them all things that they should do – until they also come, themselves, into the presence of Jesus Christ. In the words of one true prophet: “would God that all the Lords people were prophets”.

And there ran a young man, and told Moses, and said, Eldad and Medad do prophesy in the camp. And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of Moses, one of his young men, answered and said, My lord Moses, forbid them. And Moses said unto him, Enviest thou for my sake? would God that all the Lord’s people were prophets, and that the Lord would put his spirit upon them!

Numbers 11:27-29